The Death of Small Creatures

The Death of small Creatures. A memoir
Trisha Cull. Nightwood Editions. 2015
Reviewed by Bill Ursel

Trisha Cull provides a memoir that carries the reader through her experiences with substance abuse, bipolar disorder and bulimia. I as a reader saw a dimension that was evident early in this work. The dimension is the visibility of Trisha Cull. She was not and is not invisible. Her memoir presents a life lived. That statement is critical to understand the importance of this bold presentation of a life.

Trish Nicholson in her paper ‘Invisible Women in the History of Literature’ (May 5, 2017) shares a glimpse into her research for her book ‘A Biography of Story. A Brief History of Humanity’. (there is a clear link that I make to Culls work that will emerge in this review) Nicholson writes “Until the last few hundred years, women were rarely allowed sufficient education to either read or write literature which, for centuries, was written in elite languages of scholarship: in Europe, Latin and Greek; in Japan and China, classical Chinese; and in India, Sanskrit and Persian. Boccaccio took the innovative step of writing his Decameron in the vernacular specifically so that women could enjoy his delightfully ‘naughty’ stories. But only upper-class women were literate.” . . . “There have been exceptions including seventeenth-century writer Aphra Behn for her novella Oroonoko. There was Maria Chekhova (sister of Anton Chekhov) who abandoned her ambition as an artist . . . to assist his writing and social projects. We owe a debt to Maria Chekhova for the collection and preservation of Chekhov’s huge body of work, a task to which she dedicated the remainder of her life.” Nicholson shares many other examples of women who were visible in the world of literature including Jane Austin.

I note that in the case of all the women cited their voices emerged often from a place not their own. Their voices ‘became real’. Their stories were owned by them. Cull shares her story over the course of journal entries and thirteen reflective chapters. The entries address the periods in her life from July 2003 to February 2012.

I share themes in the memoir of delicate beauty, compelling loss and anger, and finding a sense of self.
Delicate Beauty: While Cull receives a manicure from a woman named Yurixa she writes “. . .Our sex is our only common ground . . .I think of how seldom I have been touched by a woman, how lovely this experience of being cared for in such an insignificant but exquisite manner. In this moment I understand why men keep women for themselves: this unspoken tenderness between women could at once save and govern the world” p.91

Compelling Loss and Anger: Cull shares one bundle of feelings around her and a man in her life in July 2007: “My contempt for him comes from deep inside me, because he is a man who appears not to suffer, because I seem to be a convenience in his life, a prize on his arm, a financial partner, because he is a man who cannot save me from myself.” p.102

Finding a Sense of Self: From entries and chapter twelve, January 2012;
Reviewers Note: Trisha has been receiving ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy; during this procedure small electric currents pass through the brain, intentionally causing a brief seizure. ECT seems to change brain chemistry, and these changes can quickly improve symptoms of certain mental health conditions; much of the stigma attached to ECT is based on early treatments in which high doses of electricity were given without medicines to put people to sleep. This led to greater pain, more fear and anxiety, fractured bones and other serious side effects. ECT is much safer today . . .it now uses electric currents given in a controlled setting to get the most benefit with the fewest possible risks). www.mayoclinic.org
Writes Cull; . . . “Maybe the ECT is helping. I continue on with my treatments throughout January. Maybe it’s more than that, something I can’t quite put my finger on, some resurgence back into myself. I’m remembering who I am again. I’d almost forgotten. And who is she who was forgotten? I look in the mirror, at my face, and try to see myself. Sometimes I say my name out loud. “Trisha?” And the world becomes surreal, because I have heard myself from within myself.” p. 207

The memoir of Trisha Cull is a testament to her becoming herself. The memoir presents parts of a life where she realizes she is visible. That is at times shocking and a revelation for Trisha.
I highly recommend this work to all readers.